When you moved back to New Zealand from the U.S., were there any particular objects that were especially meaningful to you in the transition?

No. I left suddenly, without warning, only taking two suitcases and putting the rest in storage. I travel back to NYC every 10 weeks for work, and on this last trip I sent everything back from my storage unit, including my books—which have always been super precious to me. It was not hard to leave my ex-husband. It was hard to leave my books.

What is a ritual that helps you feel at home?

My son Ra is in the destructive, tear-the-house-apart toddler phase—so I’ve learned to embrace the chaos. I love the crazy mornings where my partner and I are drinking coffee and Ra is running around, and the evenings drinking red wine while we’re reading to him, cooking, and playing music all at once.

What’s your workspace like? Do you have a desk or do you improvise?

I work out of a shared studio space in Auckland—a girlfriend of mine owns the beauty brand Sans Ceuticals and has a beautiful workspace which I’m at most days. Otherwise you can find me on the couch next to a pile of laundry answering emails on my phone.

What is single-motherhood like?

The term ‘single mother’ has become increasingly nebulous to me as I have a partner who is very involved, and who loves and cares for my son. I think being a full-time working mother (as opposed to a ‘single’ mother) presents a ton of challenges, which I’ve found really difficult to navigate: things like missing him while I work, having compromised quality time, not feeling like I’m there for him. And on the flipside, not being as focused at work as I should be, taking time off from work when he’s sick, and the constant exhaustion. I will say that the ‘single motherhood’ element does present more pressure from a financial perspective. My business has to succeed. I have no choice.

How did having a child change your relationship to “stuff”?

I’ve never been particularly precious about material things, but I’ve definitely had a huge perspective shift since becoming a mother and having my life take a turn in an unexpected direction—in relation to what truly matters. Nothing much phases me now. I don’t like to waste energy on inconsequential things,whether that’s a dress stained from baby food, silly arguments, or negative people. Who has time for such things?! As long as my family is healthy, nothing else really matters.

You seem so strong and optimistic. How did you cultivate this spirit for yourself and your son?

It’s my (our?) only choice! You can either decide to let external factors and circumstances dictate your attitude or how you live your life, or you can choose to be bigger than that. In application, this can be messy—but it is that simple. I choose to be hopeful, to work hard every day, and to surround myself with people I love and who love me. I often fail or come up short, and always expect more of myself. But the point is to keep choosing. As soon as you decide you don’t have a choice, you victimize yourself. Take responsibility for how you grow from what life throws your way. Has somebody or something turned your life upside down? Now you have a chance to rebuild it exactly how you want to. 

What does grounding mean to you?

Knowing what’s important. Being honest with yourself and other people. Keen self-awareness. Strong values, and actually living by those values. Acting in line with who you intend to be is grounding within itself.

When working on multiple different projects at once, how do you compartmentalize and not get your lines crossed?

My to-do list just increases in atrocity and terrifies me in its endlessness. My business used to be my priority and now my son is. My productivity in relation to work has taken a huge kick to the guts, and I’m still trying to reckon with that. So my answer is that I do get my lines crossed all the time between family and work and trying to do both well.

What does family mean to you?

Family is where everything starts and where everything ends. 

You recently sent out a newsletter asking the OKREAL community for feedback on what OKREAL should look like next. Would you call OKREAL a chosen family? Can work be family?

Yes! I love this concept. I think the proliferation of community in recent years (particularly in cities where we are often separate from that immediate family group) is a product of us wanting to feel connected in a REAL way.

You said recently that being in love (not to mention having a baby) is really distracting. How do you harness that distraction, especially when it comes from such a positive source?

I don’t! I let the love and the stress all come at me at once. What I do know is that life is seasonal and that there will be times meant for love and times meant for work and times meant for the collision of the two. I’m at the collision phase and it’s really beautiful and really challenging and it’s a privilege to have both in my life.